Kylaaay.

sophomore yr.. of college. YESSIR

so i just got on my tumblr after like a year. the last time i wrote in my blog it was my freshman yr of college at Oregon State University. This time I am writing as a sophomore at OSU.. YESSIRR i f#ckin made it! im in my own house and everythannng. thats rite payin my own bills as a broke ass college student. DOING IT BIGGG like wiz (mahh baby!) lol but everything is good im really happy I came here.. in fact I know that God has put me here for a reason and he has a plan for me. I really trust in God to help me make the right decisions in my life because if not I wouldn’t be here meeting all the great people that are from all around the world becoming my best friends. All of the people I have encountered add greatness to my life. Though I have difficulties, I have continued to get past them. I am completely different person from what I was in high school. man life is good and im truly blessed believe it or not.. thank God everyday for the life he has gave me. YESSIR im about to graduate as an Economics major from Oregon State University.. ya u know what it is.. thats rite all my haters who said i couldnt do it well im doin it and im doin it the best way i know how ;)

college :)

so it has been like over 2 mos and now im finally writing a new blog.. idk if anyone ever reads them but i know it makes me feel better to write them. so it has been one crazy summer… i have lost a best friend, lost my home, but have gained new friends, a better relationship, and a new home. it has taken a lot of courage and strength to get where i am sitting right now today… which is in my dorm. yes, my dorm, i am finally in college. The college that i never really planned to go to… Oregon State University. i cant believe through all this summer all my plans i finally decided to go this university. i like it a lot, however, its very different. i dont think i have ever been around this much white people in about 4 years lol. i have my good days and bad, but most of all independence is kicking in. i really like being able to be independent. i dont have to worry about anyone or anything just what im doing and the goals that i have set forth for my future. Im hoping to meet tons of friends from this university and working on not being so judgemental of everyone that i come across because i know people have judgements about me also. i miss home so much, but everything in my power tells me not to. i am a new person now, a stronger person. I am in college now, wow i really am in college. Its sad to say that all my friends are moving on with their lives and im happy im getting to spend my college experience with two of my best friends, Skyler and Erika. They have really helped me through this experience. Especially, skyler even though i get on her nerves a lot i know no matter what she will be there for me. As of now, im excited for what this new life entails whatever it may be, bring it on baby because right now i can take on any challenge. Peace out ;)

summaahh<33

i totally forgot about this thing. i havent been online forever because i just havent felt like it. summer has been a lot of fun and now that it is winding down… its getting closer to me leaving :( im so sad. i dont want to leave at all, i dont want to live on my own. im just scared. but mostly of leaving everyone behind.. even though they are leaving too. everyone is moving on with their lives and im excited that im moving on with mine… but i feel im not ready to.

i have made some mistakes throughout the summer… i finally have now realized what i have been doing which is not thinking or caring. it seems like all of my blogs or whatever they are called are of me not caring, but this time i really didnt. i hurt someone i truly love. i love him soooo much and i continue to hurt him by talking to other guys or hooking up with other guys. its just all come to an endpoint. he found out of course because he always does. i cant lie to him, he knows me so well. but i want him to know that im sorry. i love him sooooo much and every part of me wants to be with him. i just wish he could see that. because without him, i would not be as happy as i am today. i can talk to him about everything, he would do anything for me.. it just sucks that it might be too late and i pray its not.

i pray that he will give me another chance, i know i dont deserve it but thats all i can offer is another chance, a better me, a better girlfriend. i just hope he will accept it :/

new post :)

 so i havent been on this thing in over a month. and i decided this was a good day to write in it because you know i had to stay home tonight because the fambam is here and my mom thinks its disrespectful to leave.. blah blah blah and all that ish. but i am finally graduated, and i am now going to college. yea but a tiny problem, i dont know what college i am going to go to. either asu or u of a? but i have no clue. life is just blah right now. i did something really bad the other day… and i cannot even tell my best friend in fear that she will be so disappointed in me. however, im not disappointed in myself and by her being that it would make it so much worse. so im deciding not to tell her well at least for a couple days but its really hard to keep a secret from your best friend :/ especially when u need to talk about the situation. well anyways new subject: fighting with one of my best friends. who she was the biggest bitch in the world to me, yet i want to apologize because i hate when people are mad at me. its like the worst feeling. but i know i need to get over all of these stupid feelings because im going to college. and im going to do whatever i want. i honestly dont care anymore. i have learned that i have to live for me and i am doing that so far. high school is over, it makes me sad, yet this overempowered feeling has gone over me. its just over and it makes me happy. i miss everyone… ya but im ready to move on. im ready to get over all these stupid problems and just start fresh.

i feel so bad for him. he just seems so dull and blah lately and i dont know how to help him. it just seems like he is down all the time. when i look at him, he isn’t the same. i wish i could help him someway, but right now i dont feel like im the best person to.

he makes me so irritated and i care what he is doing all the time. like if he doesn’t text me back i feel like he is cheating and we arent even dating. ughhhh i cant even help it. i am in love with him and everything in my power is trying to avoid it, but i cant.

arizona tomorrow shall be fun :) spending time with the fambam and packing. and hopefully seeing the boo boo maybe both ;) ahaha